President’s Day.

Ew.

I had training all day today. I had to get up an hour earlier than usual (something I use to do all the time and no longer now how to do) and, in all, I ended up “working” longer than a usual Monday. Banking. Federal Regulations. It’s all very dull.

I don’t remember how I ever managed a 5:30 alarm before. How did I do that? I did it for 5 years! (But today’s alarm was greeted immediately by the f-word.)

It gave me a lot of time to doodle (to stay awake and engaged) and contemplate life. Has anyone created a time machine yet? Sometimes I wonder if I should go back in time and maybe give 18-year-old-me some advice. (Hint: Do not declare a major your first year at HACC. Maybe take a year off. Definitely take classes in English, Women Studies, Photography and Art History. Skip graphic design, but take typography. Go from there. Best idea ever? Become a women in art writer!)

Anyway, as a reward for successfully surviving training, I bought myself some delicious beer and a Panera sandwich and soup. Then I came home and watched “Terry Jones: The Surprising History of Sex and Love.” It was pretty interesting. We’ve really manage to muck up our perception of sex and love quite a bit as we’ve become “more civilized.”

Valentine’s Day 2012

Is it weird that I was a little scared when the flower lady said these were for me? I was so relieved it was my baby sister who sent them. I didn’t want any surprise admirers!

So, anyway, she’s so sweet! I’m not use to her doing nice things like this. Haha.

I got my (tiny) tax return today. I’m not sure what I’ll do with it. Usually I buy myself a little treat, you know, for being awesome… but I’m broke 90% of the time lately… so I’m wondering if I shouldn’t save most of it for expenses like therapy.

And I’m glad I typed that. I wanted to google something on my phone today once I got to work… and my mind was completely blank until I got there. I wanted to google “homemade jewelry cleaner.” My last tax-return ring is tarnished. :(

My body doesn’t believe in sleep anymore.

I’ve been waking up pretty consistently at 4:30. It doesn’t matter when I go to sleep, 4:30 is when I wake up. It’s kind of awful.

Also, my keyboard’s been throwing fits lately and I don’t know if it’s Firefox or my laptop freaking out. I should switch more consistently to Safari and see if the problem improves. Firefox has  been freezing up on me a lot lately.

My computer just randomly loses internet connection too. I have a scan running right now because it’s almost like Windows forgets my theme too. The bar turns blue instead of green and my internet disappears. Very strange.

I was going to write about my pedicure and my lip sugaring, but it just never happened. Here’s what you need to know: It happened. It was lovely. My lip fur is gone and my lip is cold when I breathe through my nose. It’s weird what a little blond lip fur can do.

Sugar and a Pedi.

Tomorrow, I’ve got an appointment for a pedicure and a sugaring (rather than waxing) for my german-lady upper lip.

Weeee, I’m gonna feel pretty!
Well, I hope anyway.

Deep in the <3 of Texas.

A dear gal (commonly referred to as Ms. CoolChicken on twitter) posted a lovely quote today that I quickly turned into a poster I’ll need to print and hang in  my happy hallway.

Thank you. I needed reminded of that.

From memory.

I think baked ziti is the first recipe I’ve been able to commit to memory.

Every time I make it, I think it’s a tiny bit different. This time:

1 pound dry ziti pasta
1 onion, chopped
1 can white beans
2 (26 ounce) jars spaghetti sauce
6-8 slices provolone cheese
1 1/2 cups sour cream
6 ounces shredded mozzarella cheese
small package of frozen (chopped) spinach, thawed

I saute the onion until it’s soft. (I crack some pepper over it. Also, tonight I added some white cooking wine and a sprinkle of garlic powder.) While this is happening, I  bring a pot of water to a boil for the pasta. Then I add the thawed spinach and white beans to the onions and heat for a bit. Once it’s all warm, I add the spaghetti sauce and let it simmer for however long it takes my noodles to cook. Once the pasta is done and drained, I take everything off the heat and assemble my ziti dish.

1/2 pasta in the bottom of the pan, then the provolone slices and the sour cream. On top of that, spread half the sauce. Then repeat with the other half of the noodles, sprinkle the mozzarella and cover with the rest of the sauce.

Bake at 350*F for 30-40 minutes. Serve.

I never serve it with a veggie because I’m lazy… but it really should have a salad. I don’t have a salad spinner and I never feel like being that healthy. Besides, there’s spinach in the sauce! :)

I love baked ziti. I had been craving it for about a week and a half. So glad I finally got to eat some!

I just need to add that I’m super bummed that it’s getting harder to find my 2% cheeses.
It’s really sad because it’s so much better than regular cheese calorie-wise and tastes just as delicious.

I’m having a hard time finding the bright side today.

It’s probably because it’s super cloudy.
And drizzly.

Oh, and it’s Monday, which is never a fun time (unless you have an odd work schedule — in that case, YAY, IT’S MONDAY!).

My belly hurt this morning, too. It was compounded by weird looking yogurt (which I don’t think was actually bad, but it weirded me out enough that me eating it sorta grossed me out). I don’t think I’ll eat the weird yogurt tomorrow. I don’t know why it was so… lumpy-like. The use-by date was February 28th and it seemed to have been sealed just fine. *shrugs*

Anyway, tomorrow is suppose to be fun! Macbeth — drama and murder and insanity! I should probably give ol’ Sparknotes a quick read to refresh my memory. I just hope I manage to stay awake for the whole thing. I’ve been tired for a week. I don’t know if it’s a funk or if I’m just not sleeping well or if it’s the weather, but I am tired all the time.

I guess I should start taking the vitamin B tablets I bought ages ago to see if they boost my mood and my energy. I get at least 6 hours of sleep a night, lately… which is much better than I had been getting before the Xanax, but I don’t feel like it’s enough. And I just feel so unmotivated! (Even to knit, which I thought was because I knitted and crocheted SO MUCH right before Christmas, but maybe I’m just unmotivated in general.)

I need to do these things:

• Fill out and drop off a volunteer app for the local library. (I could see, this way, if I’d ever want to be a librarian given my love of books.)
• Start in on my yoga socks again. (They keep your feet all nice and cozy, but your toes aren’t all confined!)
• BUY THE DESK FOR MY LIVING ROOM!
• Hang more art/motivational sayings. (I feel like my nesting instinct, not pregnancy induced — just "make this feel like home" induced, has taken a nose dive in just the past few days.)
• Get a good night’s sleep. (I know I don’t have a LOT of control over this, but I really need to do everything I can to sleep a full 8 hours one of these nights.)
• Start/finish at least one more scarf for the Special Olympics.

Today’s probably a good day for me to search for motivational words to hang in my hallway. I need to read things that inspire… though everything sounds hollow to me. (I suppose that means if something really strikes me as awesome, it’s definitely awesome and it’s cutting through my gloom.)

Hurry up, spring. I need some warm weather and sunshine!

Technically, I’m still broke…

… but I’m pretty sure baked ziti will be happening this week. I probably should have bought the supplies yesterday, when I was at the store, but I was too concerned with getting my basics that I hadn’t thought ahead to Tuesday. Ah, well. I drive past the grocery store every day.

Oh, wait! I won’t be making dinner on Tuesday! I’m going to see Macbeth with my momma! I guess I’ll have to make it for Thursday. Or tomorrow. Hmmmm.

I have a ginormous headache again this morning. Right under my right eyebrow again. It feels better when I press on it.

I’m not sure why I opened up this post. I don’t really have much to say, really.

Noisy things.

Lately I’ve been really sensitive to “noise.” I can’t listen to loud, disharmonious music.* I feel like an old woman when I listen to new “rock” bands. If they’re screaming into a microphone, I feel my anxiety levels shoot up instantly. It’s really weird because I am such a fan of Conor Oberst and, well, he isn’t exactly harmonious and he also makes it a point to scream in some of his work.

And that doesn’t bother me, I guess because I’m familiar with the noise.

I mean, I’ve never been into screamo stuff, but using a bit of screaming in an emotional, lyrical way? That never bothered me. I’ve also noticed lately that any sign or display of confrontation (even when it doesn’t involve me), I get really stressed to the point of feeling that angry tightness in my chest.

It’s totally bizarre. I just wish I could unbreak my fight-or-flight reflex because I’m learning more and more that my worst anxiety has a loooot to do with feeling attacked. You can’t really go through life without confrontations. It’s something that has to happen from time to time. It’s like my body interprets noise as confrontation and my brain doesn’t want to deal with it. Of course, when it’s music, the answer is simply “turn it off.” But you obviously can’t do that to a person.

Anyway, these are my thoughts for tonight. I’ve finally made a list of some (probably not all) of the negative things I have a tendency of telling myself. Tonight I’m at home relaxing because I’ve already told myself that this week is going to be a long week. (Late nights equal a full weekend, though!) Work tomorrow and Wednesday, work and yarnies on Thursday (yay yarn, though) and a late night on Friday. I’m undecided on whether I’ll make the long drive to Ikea on Saturday or if I’ll find a desk more locally/have the Ikea one delivered. I really like the desk. $21 for shipping might be about what I’d spend on gas anyway.

BUUUUT, I might see other things I’d like for my apartment too. (You see, I think I’m finally nesting. It’s starting to feel like my place. This might be a good thing. My therapist seemed to think it was interesting, anyway. I finally feel like creating a functional space for myself. I also really want to create my “big girl tent” in the corner of my living room. I haven’t figured out the logistics of that yet, though.)

*I’m also not good at multitasking. I use to be able to blog while watching TV, but gone are those days.

Lazy Sundays.

I’m watching part of “Breaking the Mayan Code” this morning. It’s a documentary about deciphering the Mayan glyphs. It reminds me why I don’t appreciate religious missionaries and crusaders. They tried to wipe out an entire culture to convert people to “the way” and so their glyphs were banned and their writings destroyed.

Oh, people are so frustrating. We should learn about each other, not change each other!

(Edited to add: Human sacrifice is bad… but let’s face it, it’s historically part of many major religions.)

Anyway, it’s been a long time since I’ve watched a documentary. I forgot how fascinating this stuff can be!