Life Update: The Ass End of 2011.

Okay, so the end of 2011 isn’t going so awesome either.

I’ve been getting panic attacks. At least that’s what everyone else thinks they are. I always feel like there’s something terribly wrong with me.The scariest things are the heart palpitations, the feeling like I can’t get a satisfying breath and the weird moments where I feel like I can’t swallow (but I can because when I sip water, I have no problem swallowing).

Tom had diagnosed me via Twitter DMs with G(eneralized)A(nxiety)D(isorder) months ago. Turns out, a real-life, in-person doctor seemed to agree with him. I’ve got some Xanax now. I’ve been stubbornly taking only half a pill for the time being, but it seems to work relatively well. I suppose I could try a whole pill one of these days… but the biggest anxiety I have tonight is sleeping in my own apartment again. (I had been staying with the parents until my doctor appointment happened on Friday. And then an extra night to make sure the Xanax didn’t make me too much crazier than I already am.)

The next nervey thing is the mid-nite tablets for sleep. If I keep getting really bad sleep, I was told I could take melatonin and, again, Tom suggested mid-nite. Good ol’ (not-really-a-)Pharmacist Tom. ;) My doctor seemed to think I could take the melatonin and Xanax together, but too sedative-type things kind of freak me out a little.

I don’t have to work tomorrow. I don’t have to work Tuesday. I need to use these days to call the therapist in town and see how difficult it is to set up an appointment. I should also make an appointment to get a pedicure soon. My feet need some pampering.

I only work Wednesday and Friday this week! November was relatively work-free. It was nice, but it can’t last forever. Haha.


Ah, I think I’m starting to get sleepy. Time to move this to the bedroom.


12 thoughts on “Life Update: The Ass End of 2011.

  1. Sending you big hugs – I understand how much GAD can adversely affect your life. I think it’s good that you have the support of both your family and your doctor. It’s one step in the right direction to getting it under control.

    • Thanks. My mom and dad have been amazingly supportive. I’m so thankful to have them. My dad, especially, is pretty good at calming me down and listening to me cry (if that’s what needed to be done).

  2. My wife’s entire family suffers with anxiety, so I know that of which you suffer. Listening to doctors talk to the Missus about this, your symptoms sound very similar. In my wife’s case, she took Paxil for about six months and had been off of it for several years. Only recently has she been having trouible again due to extreme stress of many sorts. She has started back on it and after a few weeks, no more panic. It helps to retrain the brain by blocking the neural pathways that would normally be telling you to panic.

    One issue for the Missus is that if she feels out of control of a situation, her anxiety level rises in direct proportion to how out of control she feels. Not sure if any of this helps, but I just wanted to let you know that there are things out there that do help ease the anxiety. Hope you find which one it is for you soon and make this year go out in much better shape that it currently is in.

    • Yep, I can understand that. I have finally been able to manage my anxiety the past couple of years, but when I’m in a situation in which I have no control (like flying), it becomes much harder for me to manage.

    • I feel like my fight-or-flight is totally broken. Little things can give me that weird anxious feeling in my chest (and lately my throat). I’d love it if I could get back to “normal” where little things don’t make my body go haywire.

      I have to call the local therapist tomorrow to see if I can get in with her/she’s any good. This is waaaay too difficult anymore. I want to know, at least, what’s bothering me so I can try to do something about it.

  3. Hey, 2011 isn’t done yet! There is still a month left and something awesome could happen!

    I have GAD (is that what’s called for short?) too. The Prozac helps with that but sometimes I’ll panic about something and think maybe some Xanax would help.

    I use melatonin to fall asleep. 3mg. If I’m particularly anxious I’ll take a regular sleeping pill. Speaking of melatonin I should take one now. It’s not really a sedative. It just sort of makes my mind cut down on the chatter a bit so I can sleep.

    I was going to say more but I forgot what I was going to say. Blah blah blah.

    • I have it too. Makes me feel better to know that so many others have it too (even though I wish we didn’t have it lol). I need to check on melatonin, I have heard good things about it.

      • It definitely helps to know I’m not the only person with this problem. (I mean, it helps me when I’m not freaking out. When I’m freaking out, it doesn’t help because I just feel like an awful mess. But after I calm down, it helps.

    • I haven’t tried the melatonin yet. I think maybe I’ll try that another night that I can be at my parent’s. Trying out these new things together makes me nervous. Haha. I worry and worry and worry!

      Ever since The Prozac Mess, I’m super nervous about trying all these new things.

  4. This Tom person sounds like a wise and awesome person who deserves cookies. ;)
    Seriously, I have been where you are (well, not in Scrappleton and not a cute girl), and there are ways out. You are on the path, warrior princess. Sweet dreams. DM if you need me.

    • Thank you so much. :)

      I just have to remember that this isn’t the end of the world. This isn’t something terriblebad. It’s just… something really really unpleasant.

      Warrior princess. I like that. Maybe if I envision myself that way more often, I can get out of this scary place quicker. <3

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