Noisy things.

Lately I’ve been really sensitive to “noise.” I can’t listen to loud, disharmonious music.* I feel like an old woman when I listen to new “rock” bands. If they’re screaming into a microphone, I feel my anxiety levels shoot up instantly. It’s really weird because I am such a fan of Conor Oberst and, well, he isn’t exactly harmonious and he also makes it a point to scream in some of his work.

And that doesn’t bother me, I guess because I’m familiar with the noise.

I mean, I’ve never been into screamo stuff, but using a bit of screaming in an emotional, lyrical way? That never bothered me. I’ve also noticed lately that any sign or display of confrontation (even when it doesn’t involve me), I get really stressed to the point of feeling that angry tightness in my chest.

It’s totally bizarre. I just wish I could unbreak my fight-or-flight reflex because I’m learning more and more that my worst anxiety has a loooot to do with feeling attacked. You can’t really go through life without confrontations. It’s something that has to happen from time to time. It’s like my body interprets noise as confrontation and my brain doesn’t want to deal with it. Of course, when it’s music, the answer is simply “turn it off.” But you obviously can’t do that to a person.

Anyway, these are my thoughts for tonight. I’ve finally made a list of some (probably not all) of the negative things I have a tendency of telling myself. Tonight I’m at home relaxing because I’ve already told myself that this week is going to be a long week. (Late nights equal a full weekend, though!) Work tomorrow and Wednesday, work and yarnies on Thursday (yay yarn, though) and a late night on Friday. I’m undecided on whether I’ll make the long drive to Ikea on Saturday or if I’ll find a desk more locally/have the Ikea one delivered. I really like the desk. $21 for shipping might be about what I’d spend on gas anyway.

BUUUUT, I might see other things I’d like for my apartment too. (You see, I think I’m finally nesting. It’s starting to feel like my place. This might be a good thing. My therapist seemed to think it was interesting, anyway. I finally feel like creating a functional space for myself. I also really want to create my “big girl tent” in the corner of my living room. I haven’t figured out the logistics of that yet, though.)

*I’m also not good at multitasking. I use to be able to blog while watching TV, but gone are those days.

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4 thoughts on “Noisy things.

  1. Noise is a stressor for me as well. I can handle certain music loud, but it has to be mine–I have to control the volume. Loud people and places, though. I get the trigger smell and start to freak. :-(

  2. I’m pretty much the same way with confrontation and screamo music, actually. My social anxiety is something I have actually thought about lately, which is telling enough in its own rite since I never gave it a thought before. I am noticing I just prefer to keep to myself, stay out of crowns, avoid being the center of attention, making new friends, etc. I am working hard to pull myself out of that. I never really even considered that I had social anxieties in the past. Hoping the MK gig will help pull me out of my shell.

    Getting older is weird… lol

    I have been debating the same thing about Ikea lately!! I want a helmer for my nailpolish. Would you go to the one in Robinson, or is there a closer one for you? It might be more worth the gas money if you make a day out of it. More shopping and dinner, something like that. Make it a girl date with your sister or something! Could be fun!

  3. Sometimes I just feel so tired from being pleasant to customers all day that I don’t even want to talk to my existing friends, let alone try to make new ones! Haha.

    Getting older IS weird.

    I don’t think my sister and I could get along for an entire day lately. Haha. The IKEA closest to me is the one just outside of Baltimore. It’s something like a 2 hour drive. Apparently it’s even closer than the one near Philly… which I thought was weird considering Philly’s still within my state.

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