That pretty much sums it up, doesn’t it?
Summer was hot. It’s finally getting cooler now. Thank god for seasons. Fall tends to me “my” season. It’s when I’m most comfortable and tend to be most relaxed. (Well, if there is ever a time I am relaxed, anyway…)
I’ve been feeling very much in a rut lately. I don’t know if it’s because the things I’m most interested in (like art, humanities, world religions and women’s issues) aren’t incredibly valued or if it’s just that I feel like I don’t have the time to explore my interests, but I’m very rutty. I think a lot of it has to do with trying to find like-minded people. Back in the day, I had friends who were like-minded. I still have said friends, but they aren’t just up the street anymore. This means I have to seek out new friends.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to make new friends as a 20-something? It’s pretty hard… especially when your hobbies are introverted things like knitting, reading, watching documentaries and nerding out over art history or a new-to-you concept (be it a cultural issue, scientific findings or interesting tidbits.) So lately I just haven’t nerded out and now I feel… lost?
This happens from time to time. I feel lost and I have to rediscover the things that excite me. Lately I’ve been so bogged down with boring life stuff that I haven’t had time to explore things that interest me.
I watched a documentary on the Buddha not long ago. I think I’ll probably be reading up on Buddhism soon. For whatever reason, I can connect with the basic concepts pretty well. Like, I understand how following the 8-fold path can lead to a better life and enlightenment, though I haven’t been able to adhere to anything resembling it, for the most part.
Oh shoot, this is turning into a weird ramble… which is also kind of indicative of my brain lately. I haven’t been posting because, not only do I not know what’s interesting to me at the moment, I also have monkey brain. It’s probably my brain burning out. My concentration is a total wreck. I need to listen to more music or something.
I got an audiobook at the library called “Why is God Laughing?” by Deepak Chopra. It’s about finding joy and optimism in spirituality. Maybe that will help calm my monkey brain! There’s been a few good discussions on NPR about the Middle East and our current cultural clash. They’ve been pretty interesting. Maybe I should dedicate myself to learning all I can about the history of the Middle East?
I think part of what I miss about taking classes is the structure. I knew when I signed up for a class that there would be learning and lessons and assignments. Most of the classes I took were interesting, so I was excited to learn and the structure gave me the push to continue on and delve deeper. Now I have no reason except personal fulfillment. Personal fulfillment is good and all, but it’s so easy to say “I have too much to do, I’ll read about X later.” I’d love to jump back into taking classes, but I have to pay for them, obviously, and I’m in no position to do something like that. Taking free classes online is fine too, except there’s no give and take. There aren’t any classroom discussions, so you learn in a vacuum.
Perhaps I just need to make it a point to do some free class online and post here about what I’ve learned on a weekly basis. I thought about reading through my art history textbooks again and posting information about different pieces, but I’m afraid I’m not nerdy enough to make it worth anyone’s time… which is silly because I probably have approximately 4 readers here anyway. Besides, it’s MY blog, damn it!
Ah, whatever. It shall wait until another night, I suppose.
(Basically, I wanted you to know I haven’t forgotten this place exists. I just forget why I’m here.)