I picked up my bingo card at Om My Yoga and, while I really, really would love to complete the whole card, I don’t have the ability nor the money to take 10 classes this month.
So I’m shooting for a water bottle. Dave the earth one reusable bottle at a time. I don’t need another bag. I could aim for a t-shirt, but I don’t think there are four rows that actually contain all doable tasks when I consider my schedule.
But that’s not the point of this post. Geez, my monkey mind is jumping all over.
One of the N column tasks is to write a list of FIFTY things I’m thankful for in my life. That seems like a whole awful lot (which is why I’m starting this on Tuesday), but we’ll see what I can do.
Gratitude list (9/10-9/12):
1. My Momma for being the secretly silly total introvert that she is.
I know sometimes I needle her for being totally antisocial, but I get it. There are days I’d like to have a tiny cave (without spiders, snakes or bears) to hide away in. I just want to not see anyone and read a books and breathe, y’know?
2. My Daddie for always being there when my anxiety crashes me into the ground and I think I’m going to die or go crazy or both.
Thank the heavens he ran ambulance because I trust him when he tells me that, yes, I still have a steady, strong pulse.
3. My Allison for being my best friend and the best (and weirdest and a little bit craziest) sister I could ever ask for.
Even when we fight, I know she loves me and I love her. That’s unconditional love at its finest.
4. All the wedding stuff is soon done because Allison will be married by Saturday evening and I’ll have my weekends and evenings back!
Hooray! (I’m sure Allison will also be thrilled it’s done, too.)
5. Good food because right now I’m “dieting.”
I hate dieting. I’m doing it right now so that I might be able to breathe in my dress on Saturday. I’m use to eating what I want when I want it. What else would I go to the gym for? If I deprive myself of ice cream and cake and I go to the gym I would be the crankiest, hangriest person alive.
6. Along the same lines: Peaches and apples.
They’re keeping me from eating some poor stranger’s dessert or sandwich while they’re not looking. Have the munchies? Eat another freakin’ apple. Need a sweet? Peach.
Yeah, this is weird, but there’s some Skank song that just hit the spot on my way to work one day this week. She just doesn’t need your brand new Benz, guys. And she doesn’t need love looking like diamonds. (Money ain’t the source of happiness. Booze and boys are! … Oh wait. That’s not true anyway, but we’ll look past that at 8:20 AM. Or noon or 3:35 PM because the song is catchy.)
8. Morning Yoga.
Somedays I feel like I’d rather stay in bed. Sometimes I wake up really sore or creaky and I “settle” for an easy detox flow. Sometimes I wake up and I’m so happy to drip sweat all over my poor-girl-bath-yoga towel via vinyasa. (I don’t understand how Seane Corn stays so dry and happy when I’m sweating in my eyes and grimacing a little bit.)
9. Tom of The Tom Zone.
(Hi Tom!) I will be forever grateful for his insight into my struggle with anxiety, depression, exhaustion and all things related to teh crazies.
10. Also related: Real mail.
Tom has also become a pen pal. And The Glitter People have swaps sometimes. Getting the occasional non-bill, non-solicitation in the mail is SO EXCITING!
11. I know I said I’ll be happy when Allison’s wedding is over, but I’m happy the people around me are finding love.
Sometimes it makes me a little envious, but that’s okay because I want the people I love to be happy anyway. I’m still optimistic that I’ll find someone I want to partner up with for life.
I ate salad for lunch all week last week. Yeah yeah, carb free is healthy. Belly fats and sugar, blah blah blah, but listen. I need a carb to feel satisfied. Bread, pasta or rice, I need chewiness and easy energy or I’m sad, hungry and not that much skinnier because I binge eat later in the day.
I’ve always been a fan of froyo. First because it was a less stomach cramp inducing option than ice cream. Then because I had plain froyo — you know, the tart stuff — when I visited Alli in DC. I didn’t know it existed before then. Now, there’s froyo all over the Carlisle Pike and I can get my fill of frozen, probiotics included, treats whenever I’m shopping or yoga-doing. (Last night I had no-sugar-added vanilla froyo with dark chocolate sauce and fresh fruit. Mmmmm.)
14. The Doughnut Man.
I’m going to try to make this my last food paragraph. We have a customer, though, who comes in once a month bearing doughnuts. If you know me at all, you know I love all things sweet, glazed, sugared and iced. He is one of my favorite people in the world.
15. Not food! Sleep!
I had a period of total insomnia where I wouldn’t sleep a single moment for 2 days straight. It was awful. You know how you feel like crap after a shitty night of sleep? Well, I would have killed for a shitty night of sleep. Now when I have a shitty night of sleep, I thank my stars for the 4 hours I did get.
16. Om My Yoga!
I decided, after my break up, that yoga was going to be My Thing. I didn’t really have A Thing before. I’ve always been mediocre to good at everything I’ve done outside of public speaking. But I never had a passion.
Then a guy who had Multiple Things came into (and left) my life. I realized I liked that he had These Things. I was actually quite uncomfortable with the fact I didn’t have A Thing. So I decided I was going to become a (cussing) yogi. I haven’t missed a single daily yoga session since.
I also just readjusted my schedule so I could finally try a hot Vinyasa class next Thursday. I’m pretty excited!
17. Lady Gaga.
Apart from being a lifeline for people who feel disenchanted with how the world views them (“Born This Way”), Lady Gaga writes some awesome songs. While I drove to my Monday Vinyasa class, “Teeth” came on. That song never leaves me feeling anything but ready to take on the world.
Also, my Dustin loves her, so she must be awesome.
It’s soon autumn. I love autumn. The color of the leaves, the cinnamon and pumpkin spiced everything, the cozy sweaters, the football, the excuse to eat pie at every meal, apples, hot drinks, chili. I love it all.
19. My Twitter (& Vox) People.
I’m an introvert. I feel like I work all the time. I have family “obligations.” It’s hard for me to make new friends. Yeah, I meet people through yoga. I don’t really meet people through work. I need to have friends and oddly enough, the Internet is good for that. (For meeting people, but not soulmates, in my experience.)
I’ve met a bunch of really great (local!) people this way. Shared interests are always a good thing and actual dialogue, rather than just sweating on mats set opposite each other.
I’ve also met a bunch of really great, non-local people… who may make any travel I wish to do easier or cheaper. (I’m not so proud that I wouldn’t crash on a couch, after all. I’m a bank teller, free lodging agrees with my paycheck.)
20. “Thank you.”
You know, my job is sort of soul sucking and draining. There are people who are broke, there are people who want special treatment because they’re the opposite of broke, there’s people who like to bitch about . I have to listen. I have to be nice to them. Sometimes I empathize, sometimes I think they need to put on their big boy/girl britches.
So when I help someone and they say “thank you” in a genuine manner, it makes me happy. Be nice to your bank teller. She/He might go to bat for you when you need a fee returned or a matter looked into… or just be kind because it’s the right thing to do.
21. Dead indoor spiders.
The only good indoor spider is a dead indoor spider.
22. Good books.
I recently read “The Ocean at the End of the Lane.” It was so good that I nearly cried at work when it was over simply because it was over. You get emotionally involved in these characters life and then it’s just over! How dare it be over!?
The nice thing about books though? You can re-read them. They’re like comfort food for your brain.
23. My Dustin.
I’ve been friends with Dustin since kindergarten. There were a few years where he sort of dropped off the face of the my earth, but he came back and we were still friends. It was almost as if those dark years never existed. He’s there if I need to get the hell out of Dodge, he’s there if I need to eat my feelings via pizza, chocolate or cupcake. We bitch about or swoon over men together. He’s a good man.
24. My Justin.
You know how some people come into your life to teach you something? Like your need to find Your Thing or your need to open up and actually discuss your feelings because it’s healthy. Or maybe you just need someone to push you out of your comfort zone for a bit.
Well, Justin’s not one of those people. Or maybe the lesson isn’t over yet. We met in History of Modern Art. He was the kid who looked a little like the Unabomber. Hoodie up, ear buds in. Luckily I don’t heed social cues sometimes and I made him talk to me.
Like, I sat down, looked at him and asked him questions until he answered me. I will never be this person at the gym, but in hallways, yes.
He was nice, we went out, things went wrong and that’s usually the end of the story.
But he’s like bad money and I can’t get rid of him. Which is okay because somehow he’s become one of the few people I trust with my wildly fluctuating emotions. Most people don’t stick around long enough for that treat. Lucky guy, eh?
25. We’re halfway through.
This is hard! I know I’m blessed, but actually listing it all is crazy hard!
26. My therapist.
Though she’s recently mentioned terminating our visits, I’m not really sure I’d be where I am today without her help. I went through a very dark and scary time last fall/winter. My anxiety was terrible, I became depressed. None of the typical antidepressants turned me into anything more than a giant bundle of pukey faced, nerves experiencing extreme insomnia. Just being able to talk about life and the loss of hope kept me hanging on until something finally worked and got my brain chemicals back into balance. She’s the best.
Right now, I’m typing my list out on my cell phone in the break room. We’re not allowed to use out work computers for Internet things like blogging, so WordPress app, it is! Sometimes my phone is the only thing keeping me awake all day. It’s usually my source of information from the outside world too. Hooray technology!
28. My blog(s).
They make it easier for me to talk things out with myself. They compartmentalizing my life. They are the only organization I probably have in my life beyond my phone calendar.
I am not a runner. In fact, what I actually do is more of a run/walk. When I run as exercise, I usually hate every moment except for that moment that I’m done. But I like 5Ks. I feel accomplished when I finish one AND it’s always for a reasonably good cause. Two birds, one stone. I’ll be running a Trick or Trot in October and I was over on SaraBozich.com looking at other races this fall. I might do two. I don’t think two would be pushing it too hard.
My parents were both born in October. They got married in October. I was almost born in October, but my mom didn’t want me to be weird, so she scheduled my C-section for the day AFTER Halloween. Boo. October is a good month.
31. My pick-and-choose faith system.
I’m so glad I was able to grow up forever questioning everything; my parents never stamped out my curiosity. Because of this, I was able to grow up into a questioning, open minded adult. I don’t agree with everything in any religious book or following. That’s okay. I’m a good person, I follow the golden rule. I do nice things because being nice brings around niceness and we need more love in the world. It would stomp out fear, judgmental tendencies and hate so quickly if we let it.
32. This article about yoga written by Seane Corn.
It gave me heart-feels. I ready it at work and was fighting back tears because it is beautiful and true. God is everywhere and in everyone. And god is love. Not judgment. I mean, think about it, judgment of others is often done from a place of fear. Fear of social change, few of differences — fear is a silly emotion because change is going to come anyway, there will always be differences between people. What does fear do? Nothing.
Being afraid of spiders has not stopped them from sitting beside me. (Ah, crap.)
33. Body Confidence.
It’s come to my attention that I have a relative high level of comfort with my body. It might be hairier than I like and sometimes I have lumps and bumps in my thighs, but that’s all okay. My thick, cellulite riddled thighs stretch nicely in down dog and hold me steady in mountain pose. They keep my warrior 2 looking good. They do everything they were designed to do. My lopsided boobs are uniquely mine. My poochy belly is a result of too many baked goods, almost all made with love! (I’ll be doing a body confidence post sometime soon!)
34. Parks and Recreation.
My before-bed ritual lately has been zoning out with Parks and Recreation on Netflix. So funny, so cute. I love the episode where Ann realizes she got broken up with so nicely she didn’t even realize it happened.
There was Costco cake at the rehearsal dinner. I got a corner piece with ALL THE FROSTING. It was fantastic.
36. Bob and Red Creek Rehabilitation Center.
I hit a hawk on my way to work. It promptly got lodged in the front of my car. Long story short, it wasn’t dead and didn’t appear to be dying in any quick manner. So the local nature center suggested Red Creek as a place that would take the injured bird. And then they even contacted a volunteer who might be able to pack up the bird and transport it. The hawk might actually make a full recovery.
In other news, I can’t see animals suffer and I’m unable to also put them out of their misery. I should not be a carnivore.
37. Pink shimmer nail polish.
I finally painted my nails for the wedding. They are pale pink and shimmery. It’s a pretty color that makes me feel like a classy Malibu Barbie.
38. No work tomorrow!
Sure, I still have to wake up at 6 to do my yoga before I go… get a massage. BUT STILL NO WORK! HOORAY! I CAN WEAR SWEATPANTS ALL DA
39. Free books.
My cousin is moving to Boston. Our aunt is having a yard sale. These two things together meant I had books to look through and I found 3 new books and paid zero dollars for it.
Despite the fact that my morning stop for a doughnut is probably what lined up the timing just so that I tried to annihilate a hawk, that doughnut (angel creme, iced and then dusted with cinnamon sugar!) was delicious. Especially with the super strong (decaf) coffee. Mmmm mmmm.
41. The rain.
It rained today. This is good because (1) it got it out of its system before wedding day and (2) it’s cooled down. It was SO HOT the past few days. The death throes of summer.
42. The sunshine.
It’s suppose to be gorgeous (if a bit chilly) tomorrow and Saturday. Sunny and dry. Wonderful luck for our family when an outdoor wedding has been planned.
43. The Michael Buble Concert to look forward to!
Michael Buble. Philadelphia. September 21st. It’s going to a girls night and it’s going to be FABULOUS!
44. Wine. Beer. Jello shots.
It’s been a long time since I’ve had an adult beverage. (It generally give me insomnia. It’s weird, but that’s the case.) I’ve decided to have at least one beer, one glass of wine and one jello shot Saturday night. LIVING LARGE!
45. Oh, massages!
I’m not so sure about the place we’re going, but hopefully the massage will feel amazing and leave me feeling relaxed and ready for the rest of the day. Maybe I’ll get the knots out of my neck and upper back! That would be great!
46. Free Yoga.
At the end of the month, I’m going a “Yoga Up” at Yoga Nature with a couple buddies. It’s during their community yoga, so it’s freeee! It’s yoga on a bank teller budget!
47. I get to shave my legs on Saturday!
I’ve been holding off so that my legs will feel like dolphins for the wedding. Right now, they’ve got a hippie-edge. It’s been saving me time in the mornings, but it’s getting a little itchy. (Oh, maybe I should give them a quick run over tomorrow before the massage. Damn it. No matter — it’ll be a sad pathetic excuse for a shave anyway. It will barely count.)
I love sugaring. I’m a fuzzy individual. Sugaring gets rid of the fuzz with a little less pain than waxing and without quite so much redness. Oh, and less pore clogging melty wax! I got the sides of my face sugared on Tuesday and I feel like my sideburns are normal now. Sugaring is the best. I’m so glad I stumbled upon it.
49. Lack of laundry.
I haven’t been to the gym much this week, so I have less laundry than I usually have at this time in the week. This is incredibly good news because I’m not going to be able to do laundry this weekend. Maybe Monday. Or maybe I’ll exhaust my entire wardrobe and do a super-load next Sunday. Either way, it’s a good thing.
50. Free cheese snacks.
I’ve signed up for Influenster and I’ve finally gotten a free voucher for something. Sargentos cheese sticks — it’s like they KNOW ME!
I think I’ll probably snack on one (the voucher came with a tiny cheese cooler sleeve) and try to make baked cheese sticks with the rest. (I think I have something pinned on Pinterest for baked cheese sticks…) I’ll be posting photos about the box and the cheese on my food blog after life settles down a little.