Another boy has decided to be pretty damn disappointing.
I think the Universe has taught me the lesson (again) to trust my gut. This post is not all about the failure of another man. I’ll italicize the man rant in case you want to easily skim over it and get to the good stuff.
When guys disappear for 3 weeks, even when it’s time for them to start Training For Their Thing, it’s a sign that something’s not right. Granted it wasn’t just the dropping off the face of the earth that gave me that inkling. Flaking on plans, a screen grab of sushi off the internet instead of a real life food shot from NYC, blurting out of questions like “have you been good these past three weeks or have you seen someone else?”… all of these things were Weird (with a capital W) and my intuition knew it but I rationalized it thinking that I had no reason (besides all the Weird) to doubt this guy. Besides, I was his “favorite.” Who’d be so cheesy unless it were true?
It’s not like I could be mad that he got a girlfriend but I do have the right to be mad that he got a girlfriend and then continued to have sex with me without telling me about her until he was an asshole one week… which led me to discover (via a tagged status update from the girlfriend) that he took the girlfriend to his first Thing and then learned from her facebook page that they were dating since February.
So if all this happens, trust your gut because the later realization will make you feel stupid. You shouldn’t feel that way because all you did was take someone at face value, but you still will because you decided to look the other way while your intuition screamed that you shouldn’t. You’ll also be pissed that you paid for the damn crepes on your last date.
HOWEVER (the rant is over because I’m too awesome for bullshit)!!!!
My job rocks. The Monday after all this shit went down, I had a super busy day at work assembling props for some children’s book displays and sending news releases and just generally kicking ass. This is the first time in my adult life where something shitty happened in my personal life but it didn’t totally shake my confidence because — fuck that shit — I’m kicking ass and taking names and making a damn difference in my small way.
I’m staring a new semester on Monday. I’ll be taking three classes this semester and I’m really hoping it doesn’t end up killing me. It’s only 11 weeks. I can endure stress for 11 weeks, I think. Two classes are online (Photojournalism and Media Relations) and one is in person (Topics in Multiculturalism).
I’m pretty excited about the Media Relations class because it will probably be useful to my current job duties. It’s about how you can get the word out about events and how you can make the media’s job easier. I’m also excited about Topics in Multiculturalism because it’s the first 400-level class I’ve taken and I’m a nerd like that. I’m also scared shitless because I’m afraid I will Never Stop Writing. I’m excited because it seems like a really cool class and it’s actually in person so there will be actual, verbal class discussion. I’m also nervous because some college kids aren’t really very good at discussion because they’re busy sending dick pics on snapchat or whatev.
Anyway, 11 weeks. Even if it sucks, I can get through 11 weeks with a C. I think. I’m
sure confident, anyway.
And now a yoga story!
I was in Scranton (well, Duryea) this Friday night/Saturday morning to celebrate my Dustin’s new job near Bethlehem. He was having a bon voyage type shindig and so I came up and slept in the softest most back wrecking bed I’ve slept in in a long time.
In the morning, after dragging my feet about yoga, I decided it was a sign from the Universe that I should go to yoga when I discovered via the Maps app a studio called Nearme Yoga which was, literally, near me.
I took myself to class and we were asked to picture this scenario:
You’re in a desert. Picture your surroundings. Now, picture a cube. Picture a ladder. Now imagine a garden… and a horse. There’s a storm… What direction is it headed?
The cube symbolizes your ego. Mine was large, which means I’m sure of myself, and it had trees inside it. It was made of glass, so that symbolized my transparency as a person. That was all pretty spot on and I also liked that my ego was filled with life and growth. I think it means I’m confident in who I am and I’m always trying to improve myself… Not perfect — trees are never perfect — but growing and adapting and strong.
The ladder symbolizes your friends. My ladder was sturdy and made of wood — the type that gets handed down from grandfather to father to son to grandson — and it was leaning against my cube. It was much smaller than my cube, but it was leaning against my cube. I think that means that, while I don’t have a ton of friends, I have good strudy friends who will lean on me and return the favor when I need the support.
My garden was suppose to symbolize the children I want to have. They were all flowers on top of cacti. There were probably 5 or 6 of them. I certainly don’t want 5 or 6 kids, but I do love that my existing family is so close and inclusive. I’d like for there to be kids in my future, lots of them, but not necessarily my own. It takes a village to raise resilient cacti babies, so I guess that’s not too far off.
But here is the kicker — the horse is my ideal mate. My horse was a beautiful black horse with a white and grey spotted patch on it’s face. Tina Belcher was riding my horse. I’ve joked on multiple occasions that Tina is my spirit animal. She’s now riding my spiritual horse-mate. Is that weird?
What does it mean that Tina Belcher is riding my realistic horse-mate?
I refuse to believe Tina riding my horse means anything but awesome stuff for me and my for-life mate.
Finally, the storm represents how you see the world. Mine was off in the distance but moving towards me. That’s also pretty spot on because I’m anxious and I’m always expecting the other shoe to drop. I’m constantly hoping for the best but preparing for the worst. The storm didn’t make me feel unsettled though, and I think that’s an improvement over my old way of thinking. I know I can weather the storm (because I’m a mofo tree, dammit) so it’s no big thing.
Rain just purifies the air. It’s a reset button. It washed the dirt away.